Dear Jon,
Congratulations are truly in order. This is a milestone. You have a diploma, but what does it mean?
That is, what does it mean to those who do not know you? The LACK of a High School diploma would mean a lot to people who knew only that much about you, but the fact that you have a diploma simply places you in a group of hundreds of thousands of young people who got one. Now what?
Some kids are lucky. They have a strong direction and interest by the time they finish highschool and they go right off to college to learn more about what interests them and some of them even wind up working at what interested them when they began college.
Many don’t. They go to college, spend tons of money to get a degree and eventually wind up doing something entirely different. However, the fact that they have that COLLEGE diploma, means a great deal to potential employers and colleagues. That’s because there is no law that says a person has to attend college.
Gaining a college diploma means that an individual had enough drive and self-management to complete a course of study, and almost regardless of what the course of study was, that diploma marks the person as a good do-er – someone who could get his or her homework done even when parents weren’t there to nag and remind. So, maybe that person can be trusted to do valuable work in exchange for money.
Some kids are even luckier. They have a drive to learn and excel in a particular field and then go on to master that field and strive to “make a difference” in the “world.”
For many, the easiest way, or, at least, most certain way to make that difference is by becoming a teacher, and there is some truth to that. As a teacher one is able to affect the minds and beliefs of dozens and hundreds of children – affects that will be part of them for the rest of their lives. So teaching is pretty significant… but it’s not the path for everyone.
Sometimes the best difference that a person may make in the world derives from what he or she teaches just one or two other people – maybe children or grandchildren. You never know.
The world, however, is still there, ready for all those “differences” to be made in it. All those differences are not made only by high-minded diploma-holders: the greatest ideas will evaporate if some do-er doesn’t make them real. Often, the thinker and the do-er is the same person, and we celebrate those people. Andrew Carnegie, Henry Ford, Eli Whitney, Edwin Land, Thomas Edison, Clara Barton, Marie Curie, and a host of other industrial, military and political leaders are among that group.
Then there are those who are famous for having done what others dreamed up: people like Neil Armstrong. He didn’t conceive of the machinery that took him to the moon,
but he had an ability of courage and good thinking, combined, to execute the great ideas and engineering of others.
Most of us are not like that. Most of us are pretty-well occupied dealing with “life” as it comes along, earning a living and meeting our responsibilities. Eventually, in the course of doing what’s best for ourselves and our families, many of us also give to others in time or money or otherwise, and make our own little, un-heralded “differences” in the “world.” This applies to most, and is the greatest, cumulative force for good in the “world.” Some turn criminal for whatever reasons, but most are good and civilization and society move haltingly, unevenly, even stumblingly toward an average better life for all people. You can see there is a long way to go.
Which means there is plenty of room for you to make your own difference as you make your own way, your own life, your own living. Eventually you will do your own good. But, how? Ay! There’s the rub.
I know you didn’t have the most happy, care-free experience through school. Neither did I. But that’s done, now. Now – right this instant – you are alive, healthy and strong, smart and good-looking and existing at the time of greatest opportunity ever! Right now is when you can’t shuck your responsibility to yourself because you “deserve” a vacation or a little “rest” after your twelve grueling years slaving over textbooks.
Right now is when you have to make a map, of sorts. It’s not a map that shows roads, trails, paths and correct turns at every intersection. It’s a map of decision, though – definitely of decision. You are very fortunate – lucky, even – that you are where you are with the people in your life who are here. You have a smart brain. And, it’s time to make a decision about making decisions. Life on this planet is based on assumptions, beliefs and decisions. And love. It’s also based on love.
First, let’s examine what love has to do with it. You are a product of love, for example. Your mom and dad loved enough to go to the trouble of creating you, but not simply as a gift to YOU, but as a gift to each other, and with some expectation – an assumption, if you will, that whoever you were would give love back in return. That is the real circle of life.
Love is not infinite. It’s huge, but it has limits. People who never return love that you send their way, can literally suck all the love out of you, leaving emptiness. By returning love, you can multiply it, and the person to whom you returned that love not only has as much love as he or she originally had for you, but more than that. Multiplication. It’s a really cool phenomenon. We don’t always call it love.
Oftentimes the energy or effect that we might call love, is called and expressed as trust. When you are trustworthy, when you keep your word, when you keep a secret, when you deliver on a promise, when you meet right expectations… you are expressing the force we call love. People who learn to trust you develop an assumption about you that is called trust, but is a form of love. Like love, trust given in return tends to
multiply trust between people. There are very few “good” accomplishments that do not include a lot of trust between people. It is the unwritten contract of honesty that enables most of the commerce of life, both monetary and personal. Honesty, trust, love. Obviously it’s important and you know you have already learned to trust quite a few people in your first eighteen years on Earth. Have they all learned to trust you back? That’s the first decision on your decision map: am I willing to do what it takes to be a person of trust? Am I willing to sacrifice, sometimes, to maintain that trust? Am I willing to do what it takes to deliver on promises I have made? Will people who know me always know that I may be trusted to keep my word? That’s the first decision, Jon.
People who live in accordance with that decision generally GIVE as much as they RECEIVE. Like emotional love, people who accept the trust of others and don’t return it by action and discipline, will soon suck all the trust out of a relationship, leaving emptiness. I hope you decide to be a trust generator.
You are bound to encounter people who are not worthy of your trust and you must be wise and careful of where you place YOUR trust. You know someone like Frank Allen, for example, can always be trusted, but there are those who will lie to you, take advantage of your trust, even steal from you, and you must recognize when trust is the wrong thing to do with that person. Trust is big but not infinite, and it’s extremely fragile. A solid trust relationship is worth more than gold, and you are obligated to protect and nurture it. It’s everything from doing what you said to saving the life of the soldier next you in battle – or him saving you.
We all live on a path built out of assumptions… assumptions that are part of our personal belief structure. For example, we assume that the sun is coming up on time each morning; we assume that when we put our foot down on the floor that it will be firm and able to support us – same thing with the ground. We expect – or assume – that tap water is safe to drink. There are thousands and hundreds of thousands of assumptions that we have learned to depend upon. Most accidents, surprises, shocks, injuries… the list is long, that happen, are when something we assumed to be true or real, is not. Or it’s when something that we are in the habit of assuming, but which can actually vary, has varied and we fail to observe it – we fail to adjust our assumptions.
For example, a driver may assume that the person in the intersection who appears to be signaling for a turn is actually going to make that turn. We have experienced enough instances when a turn is signaled and then actually made, that we “let down our defenses” and assume that the turn will be made this fine morning, too. Unfortunately, sometimes the signaler is not aware he or she is signaling and instead drives right into you, or, worse, you drive right into him or her.
Assumptions can let you down. Assumptions are created out of one-way trust. Since the ground has always been solid, you can assume it will be today, also, but you can’t “trust” that the ground will be solid, can you? The ground has no heart. It can’t love you, it can’t “return” your trust. You must recognize that making assumptions is strictly
a one-sided activity. Make a decision, please, to never assume too much. Maintain conscious awareness… and a sense of skepticism. It is an old saying, but totally true: “Things are not always what they appear to be.”
The greatest pain and emotional injuries occur where someone has assumed a certain relationship exists – perhaps one of trust, or even love – when it does not, or that it is of a particular nature when it is something quite different. The assuming party then acts or trusts in a certain way and is thunderstruck when what he or she expected would happen is completely different from what actually does happen – like assuming the other driver were going to turn – and great pain is the result.
From that might spring great anger or hatred, two things you want to avoid with as much power as you can muster, for they are corrosive, like a strong acid, eating away at your abilities to love and trust. Don’t assume too much.
You know something about the “scientific method,” I’m sure. An observer takes note of a phenomenon – maybe as simple as a pin dropping to the floor. He or she measures how long it takes for the pin to reach the floor and creates an experiment where the same pin can be measured falling to the floor, again. After two or three repetitions, the observer, armed with the recorded observations, may make a statement that gravity has a “rate” of attraction. In other words, a weight equal to the weight of the pin will fall the observed distance in so many thousandths of a second, every time. Others won’t even try the same experiment – they begin to assume the truth of the observer’s statement about falling pins. Can you already see how many mistakes the others are making? Let’s list a few:
- Does a square chip of metal the weight of that pin fall at the same rate?
- Does the pin dropped head down fall differently than point down?
- What if the pin is dropped sideways instead of head or point down?
- Is it different in a vacuum than in the air?
- What about if it were dropped in humid air, or bone-dry air?
- What if it were dropped in a freezer at 32 degrees below zero?
- If you climbed a mountain and dropped the pin the same height at an altitude of 10,000 feet above sea level, would it fall at exactly the same rate?
- What about if you went to the shores of the Dead Sea and dropped it there?
- What if you went to another place on Earth at exactly the same conditions, would it fall at exactly the same rate?
Wow. Such a simple experiment with so many variables! Who knew? The point is, just like relationships in life, work, families and friendships, a single observation can’t be the basis of trust or love. You must decide that you will test for some variables before you start assuming that something is true, real or honest – ie. trustworthy – between yourself and new acquaintances. This also means that you can’t assume that you have the trust of other people, or that you have the right to be combative or quick to anger with others. You have to find a pattern of truth from multiple observations. When you have a basis for trust, your relationship with others will be the best it can be. If you assume a level of trust and it proves to not be real, you will be hurt and so will the other person, and so will some around you. Please, make a decision that you will be a wise observer: ready to trust, but only when it’s proper and good.
Of course, a lot of these decisions and observations and even skepticism, apply to you, yourself, as well. Do you keep promises to yourself? Do you trust yourself? What if you said to yourself that you were going to become an expert at… gaming software, for example. Are you willing to do what it takes to become that expert, to gain that expertise? Will you keep your word to yourself?
Or, if you find that it is hard work to keep that promise, will you talk yourself out of caring about that promise?
Or, are you willing to find out what the steps will be to gain that expertise, so that you can then plan to achieve it? In other words, are you going to become a great do-er or simply dream about becoming one?
Maybe simpler terms are easier. If you lived in an apartment and there was no food in the cupboards or the refrigerator, would you be willing to do what it takes to buy some food? Or would you go to a soup-kitchen and beg for a meal?
Those are promises you make to yourself. Everyone has relationships with others where he or she keeps a high trust level, protecting confidences, keeping promises, stuff like that, yet fails to keep a promise to him- or herself. You are the only person who can make that trust decision; you are the only person who has the ability to observe whether you have proven to be trustworthy to yourself.
It is that tiny, tiny sliver of distance between trusting yourself or not, that determines how we live our lives. “This above all, to thine own self be true; And it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not be false to any man.”
So, you must decide, and now is when you must. How will I live? And you can’t leap, in one step, one experiment, one observation, from where you are to some ultimate dream or goal. You need a number of observations. You can try college or junior college and find it a perfect fit for your “map.” You might observe that it is not.
You could “apprentice” yourself in a field you are interested in, and work for a while before going to college. You’ll have a lot of observations on which to base your self-trust.
You could take a minimum-wage job and master it. You will be amazed to see how many doors open up as a result. It doesn’t matter what it is. It is YOUR decision to be a drudge or a dynamo. You took that job with Frank at the Elks and became a dynamo, gaining an excellent reputation, there, while helping a lot of people you don’t even know. You TOOK the $25.00 but you GAVE much more. It’s a formula for a good life. You also gained many observations about cause and effect, work and rest, starting and finishing, cooperation and independence, expertise and apprenticeship.
You can do hard jobs. You may not always like what has to be done, but you can do hard work. That’s pretty important. The greatest successes in America are based on starting at the “bottom” and working your way up. Every famous general started at the “bottom.”
Finally, you must never stop learning, reading or teaching. Learn things so that you can teach others about them. I hope you make this decision / promise to yourself. None of us knows enough. The mind is always at a new level, having accumulated the education of yesterday. Now, it’s today. You can’t stay here, for tomorrow is coming. You can try, but you’ll fail in everything if you think today is your forever.
Today is the only day in which you can prepare for tomorrow. Whether you intend to (which I hope) or not, you ARE preparing for tomorrow. It’s almost like magic. No matter WHAT you do today, it is preparation for tomorrow.
The magic is in your soul. It’s you.